I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
