You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
