she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
