glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
