She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
