So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
