he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
