Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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