i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
