I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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