Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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