after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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