that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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