I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
