You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
