Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
