I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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