found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
