Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
