Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
