I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
