She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
