you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
