True but thats because hes a fetus.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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