Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
