You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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