There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
