it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
