she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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