Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
