Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
