dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
