I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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