Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
