why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need a beard to bite.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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