He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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