Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.

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(513): View more from Ohio

theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!

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