this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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