Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
