do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
