last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
