Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
