yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
