i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
