Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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