cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
