you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
