Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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