I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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