I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
